Love is not an emotion

Harry Scherer
Class of 2022

(2/2019) A couple days ago, I picked up Fulton J. Sheen’s Way to Happiness: An Inspiring Guide to Peace, Hope and Contentment. The exterior of the 170-page work is very similar to his other works: the title laid on the top of a paperback cover in a simple font, supported by the picture of a handsome bishop with full episcopal garb in the 1950’s. What lays inside of the elegant and tasteful cover is nothing short of brilliantly worded darts of wisdom from a man who has never dated or married, but who has encountered the Source of Love for his entire life.

In the introduction, Sheen lists the three things that man longs for as a "fulfillment of the purpose of his being": life, truth and love. He further qualifies the type of love that man yearns for as "not with a time-limit, not mixed with satiety or disillusionment, but love that will be an abiding ecstasy." This qualification leads directly to my primary assertion: the love that will give man ultimate fulfillment is not a psychological emotion, but rather a personal encounter with Christ, either in His Image or in an extension of His Image, our fellow man.

Sheen then invites us to "go beyond the limits of the shadowed world, to a Love not mingled with its shadow, hate." Finally, he points out this purity of Life, Truth and Love as the definition of God: "His Love is so deep and spiritual that it is a Spirit." Recognized or not, this is the Love that every man is seeking. Sheen invites us to push out of the barriers of purely emotional love into a Love that is transcendent and cognizant of the purpose of our existence.

All these conclusions lead to curiosity about the features of genuine love. One of the first components that comes to mind is its sacrificial nature; "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends" (John 15:13). It seems that the point of true love is not a relationship of mutual amelioration of the circumstances of two people. A well-trained and good-intentioned government bureaucrat can accomplish this goal. There is something different about dying for another, to say the very least.

The immediate question then presents itself: how can a love of "ecstasy", as Sheen puts it, be the same love of sacrificial death? With deeper consideration, there is really nothing contradictory about the two at all. The ecstasy that Sheen is pushing for is not a perpetual state of happiness. For example, would one consider William Wallace’s death on Braveheart a moment of ecstasy? He was dying for a cause that was deeply engrained in his being. Every form of torture that the English government put upon him was, for Wallace, a furthering of his goal. Wallace’s love of heritage and people was certainly a form of true, sacrificial love. He did not die in vain because he died for something that was good.

What, then, is the distinction between the death of William Wallace and a suicide bomber? Both certainly are dying for causes that they deeply care about. The act of a suicide bomber is not an act of love because one cannot love evil. The reality of evil is completely contradictory to the reality of love, that which is good in itself.

Then we come to the free nature of love; it cannot be imposed on us like taxes or even death. Love is a choice, a beautiful choice, to see the good in another, and in all, no matter what the circumstances are. As is the case with all the other virtues, we can choose to be joyful, prudent and temperate and may or may not recognize the positive benefits of these choices later in life. But consider if we were forced to speak joyfully, think prudently or act temperately. We would become immediately resentful of the imposition of some self-righteous rule-creator that thinks he or she knows how to live in all circumstances. Even though impossible, consider if God did not give us free will. We would become immediately resentful of Him, our Creator.

Finally, it seems that another necessary component of true love is that it is faithful. One who loves never turns his or her back on another because of self-interest, pride or any other material motives. What incentive does the lover have in carrying out this commitment? Like many things in life that have transcendent meaning, the answer does not seem to present itself immediately. Thankfully, when one stays faithful to another out of love, he unites himself to the Cross of Christ. As Fulton Sheen says, "Every other person came into this world to live. He came into it to die." When we give ourselves to others in total love, we are being Christ for the people around us.

While some may think that love is in short supply these days, it can become easy to forget that every day a couple is joined together in free, total, faithful and fruitful marriage. Every day, expectant parents welcome a new person into the world and a family sits by the bedside of a dying parent as they expect to pass into the next life. All of this is surrounded by true love. Of course, sacrifices were made in all cases. The happy couple leaves their family to start a new life in the unknown. The mother of the newborn child has labored for nine months to allow the full development of her young child. The grieving family has put their life completely on hold as they tend to the needs of a parent who has never stopped caring for them.

We live in this world, today. People in our community, our country and our world still lovingly give of themselves in a sacrificial and faithful choice that brings the image of Christ back to the flesh.

Read other articles by Harry Scherer