You do the best you can

Harry Scherer
Class of 2022

(11/2020) It has been seven months since I have held my niece’s hands. She used to be able to come visit me every weekday. Seven months since she stepped into my room, hugged me and gave me a kiss. Now, I wonder when she is going to be able to make the 15-minute trip from her family’s home to my room.

At first, I was struck by the break in regularity. The hands, the steps, the hugs and kisses. One day, all of this just stopped. For years, this all seemed so ordinary. All your life, you hear about people doing extraordinary things. I don’t know if I’ve ever done anything extraordinary, but it sure does hurt when even the ordinary is ripped from you.

These visits stopped for everyone else who lived in the rooms next to and across from me. I wasn’t able to talk with them about it. Everyone has been going through the same thing, but we hardly are able to acknowledge it with each other.

I should probably stop talking about myself. All considered, we’re getting along just fine here. This is probably very difficult for my family back home, those people who are so close and so far from me. I think they like coming in to see me. The ordinary was ripped from them, too.

I’ve found that this has helped me over the years. If I’m able to think about what other people are going through, it makes what I’m going through less serious. I spend a lot of my time praying that all is well with my nieces and their families, my sister and her friends. I haven’t heard anything bad going on. It seems like this is where God wants me now. He wants me praying for everyone and resting. I’ve worked a lot over my life. I’m getting a lot of rest now, that’s for sure.

I have been able, though, to talk with my family over video calls. One of the nurses comes in and puts the screen in front of me and my niece appears, then my other niece, then my sister and then my great-nephew. All one after the other. I haven’t been able to see them all together in person for years.

This really is a tough way to live. All sorts of things are happening with my family, but I only get to be told about them and hope and pray that all works out for the best. Children are being born, students graduating from college and my old friends are all either dying or have been dead for a while.

There is something really troubling about all this fast change. When I was growing up, no one walked around with masks. No one had to think about whether someone she was meeting wanted to shake her hand. No one stayed six feet apart from someone at the water cooler. Everyone keeps telling me that we need to keep everyone safe. I’m trying to remember whether we even used that word when I was growing up.

All this fast change doesn’t seem good, though. You would think that the people who are willing to accept this change would at least listen to us old people who have been through a thing or two. It seems like all this change in the way people act, talk and dress came so fast without even consulting the people they are trying to protect. Sometimes, I just wish that my niece could come inside and say hello. She would tell me about her day, what she’s worried about, what she’s happy about. We’d talk about the same things we talked about the day before, but that’s ok. What else do I have to talk about at this age, anyway? Again, a lot of what I do at this point is rest, anyway. I don’t to think of brand-new things to talk about.

I hope that the young people are still able to live their lives. I don’t think I would have been able to deal with all this stuff at their age. Back then, we were playing outside and walking all over the city and not thinking at all about health or safety. Some may have died in the family, but that’s just what happens. Someone dies and everyone just keeps on doing the best they can. That’s all you really can do, right?

For years, probably decades, I have been saying that "things are all different, yet." That has never been truer than now. For all the time I have been saying that, there has always been someone right there next to me to say, "it’s true, Katie. It was different when we were growing up." Now, I don’t even have that. There’s no one sitting next to me to agree with me. That might be the worst part of all this.

We don’t need to finish on a sour note, though. There’s all kind of good that we can be looking at. People are still laughing and crying, saying hello and saying goodbye, working all day and sleeping all night. A lot of what we are used to has continued. It seems like there are some people who want us to think that everything has changed permanently and will never come back to normal. When people live in the normal, they want something exciting. When they live in the exciting, they want to go back to normal. I’ve seen this throughout my life and have gotten tired of seeing all the stunningly green grass on the other side and the dead weeds on my side of the yard. There’s usually nothing all that bad about your side of the yard and everyone else’s yard has its own problems. I know we’re going to get through this, and I’ll keep doing the best I can. Keep praying, hoping and not worrying and everything will work out just fine.

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