(1/2019) Editor’s Note: While sifting through some of her grandfather’s effects, our Pet’s column writer. Dr. Kimberly Brokow came across the follow speech her grandfather apparently gave at the first general meting of the Emmitsburg Chapter of the Former Former Boozers Association after the passing of the Probation amendment in January, 1919. Special thanks to Harry Scherer, MSMU class of 2022 for interpreting Dr. Brokow’s chicken scratch. [The elder Dr. Brokow’s, not Kim’s]

Welcome, all, to the gathering that your wives just understand to be "meetin’ up with the boys." That’s fine to keep it that way. As long as everyone’s dedication to our valiant cause remains focused, I don’t care what you tell your wives.

I thought that we would adjourn tonight’s meeting with a drink: a drink to what it means to be Men. Here at the Former Former Boozers Association, we’ve been to the dark side. We know what it means to work hard all day, return to the house after dark and have to listen to the wife for who knows how long and have to remember all that.

The Former Boozers Association did not fulfill our needs as hardworking Men, so the band decided to add another "Former" to the name. Seemed more appropriate. Unfortunately, today, we must raise our glasses in the underground. We cannot raise them to liberty and freedom as we once did so proudly.

This brings us to the meat of our meeting: the ridiculous policy of the United States government against the very values on which this country was founded: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Values that are now threatened by the recent passage of ill thought out, Suffragette supported, Prohibition Amendment to of illustrious United States Constitution. Washington, Jefferson, Adams and our other founding fathers are rolling over in their graves at this insult to manhood.

My life is liberated by my favorite drinks, so I can pursue happiness! How does the government, influenced by crooked scientists and special interests, know how I can best live my life? Somehow, they’re getting away with this crock, but if we keep at it in the best way we know how, that won’t be for long!

We know what it takes to keep on drinking: we just do it. Now, according to the government, we do it illegally. It could certainly be more convenient than that. So, how do we further our mission? Might I suggest that we go through some common questions or charges that the "temperate" folk bring up against us, we free Men who are just trying to live and prosper in our own skin.

They temperately say that we are being immoral. Oh, the pious indignation on the part of those who decry activity that they would, of course, partake in if they had been involved in the situations which we have had exposure to. It is plain to see that the hypocrisy on the parts of these religious zealots is hurting their own cause. As our society has said since her inception, "we know some people don’t like drinking. Them ain’t us." Whenever a pious fool approaches you, knowing that you are a member of this age-old and respected society for Men of Good Will, be sure to immediately point out that they have failures as well, and that we have no intention of pointing them out or prohibiting those failures from occurring.

Second, some might say that we are unpatriotic. This charge is preposterous, firstly, because many of the Men in our society have proudly served this nation on the battlefield. If anyone were to charge you with being anti-American because of your repulsion to Prohibition, be sure to instruct the ignorant and inform them that never purchased a drop of German liquor during the war. It’s a Spiritual Work of Mercy, after all. With these motives, it is tough to imagine how anyone could label our Brotherhood as amoral or against religion. We intend to broaden the understanding of those who have not walked a mile in our shoes!

The third complaint that the temperate folk have is that the anti-Prohibition movement is anti-woman. This hesitation against joining our cause is equally ridiculous to the suggestion that we are anti-American. Our secretary herself is a proud member of the female race! She has served us as an effective note-taker for years and does not find any credence in these unfounded remarks.

The temperates suggest that the anti-Prohibition movement encourages violence in the home, between man and woman, by allowing men to lose control of themselves and hit their wife. If any inquiring person suggests that he finds credence in these remarks, immediately remind him that the Former Former Boozers Association helps Men find their purpose by expressing their freedom and liberty as Americans.

Nowhere in that mission statement is there an encouragement or endorsement of violence or out-of-hand drunken behavior against a woman. In fact, quite the contrary. Many of our Men have reported at meetings such as this that their wives have noticed their husbands to be more agreeable and more relaxed since they joined our Ancient Association. The wives, of course, are not aware of the source of this agreeableness or relaxation For all they know, adding a touch of cinnamon in the marinara sauce did ameliorate their husband’s rash behavior.

Lastly, I would like to remind all of our members of the sins of those in the Prohibition movement and those who support that devilish 18th Amendment. These people have the efforts of discriminating against those among us who do not have the financial means to purchase high-quality liquor. The poor are the driving force behind our campaign, because they cannot fight for themselves! Once we secure liberty and freedom for the least of us, we will all be able to raise a glass together in peace. Those who fight for Prohibition fight for discrimination against the poor. That’s always a good line.

Be sure to mention that if anyone asks why you are a part of our Manly Association. I would also encourage you to remind those patient inquirers that Prohibition is being driven by a lust for money. It is money that we at the Former Former Boozers Association pine for. Our quest for unfettered freedom is not driven by an endless supply of greenbacks, as those at the federal government endlessly desire. Because of this corrupt government’s passage of the 16th Amendment, alcohol cannot be taxed. Instead, they squeeze everything they can from our pockets after a hard day’s work. They will never stop. Because they cannot tax our drink, they tax our work.

Friends, today is a day of great despair and great hope. We sink our heads because we think of the direction that our government is going in restricting the rights of us, Americans. Then, we raise our heads in hope because we have to raise them back up again to take a sip in a manner that is proper to a Man. If we did not, all of our drink would fall down our chest and we would reek of alcohol. While this, certainly, does not unappealing to me, and I’m sure not to you, as well, our image would certainly suffer for those who might be sympathetic to our cause.

This is a time to remember as a historical period in our Nation’s history. We are the fighters in the Good Fight in search for the actualization of our Nation’s destiny. In the way that we began, let us raise our glasses and drink To America!

Read other articles by Harry Scherer

Read Prior '100 Years Ago this Month'