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Corporal Jones was assigned to
the induction center ...
where he advised new recruits about their
government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't
long before Captain Smith noticed that Corporal Jones was having
a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly
100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the
Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones'
sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI
Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI
Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has
to pay $250,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI
insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government
only has to pay a maximum of $6,000.
Now," he concluded, "which group do you
think they are going to send into battle first?"
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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A young honeymoon couple were
touring southern Florida ...
...
and happened to stop at one of the
rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they
engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You
certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the
snakes?"
"Yes, on rare occasions," answered the
handler.
"Well," she continued, "just what do you
do when you're bitten by a snake?"
"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my
pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks
across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."
"What, uh...what would happen if you were
to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.
"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that
will be the day I learn who my real friends are."
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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The high school coaches in
Terrebone Parish, Louisiana went to a coaches' retreat.
To save money they had to
room together. No one wanted to room with Coach Boudreaux because
he snores so bad. They decide it's not fair to make one of dem
stay wit him the whole time so they vote to take turns. `Coach
Fontenot sleeps wit him and he come to breakfast next morning hair
a mess, eyes all bloodshot. They say, "Man, what happen to you?"
He say, "Man, that Boudreaux snore so
loud, I watch him all night." `Next night coach Guidry's turn. In
the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all
bloodshot. They say, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He say, "Man, no, that Boudreaux shake the roof. I watched him all
night."
Third night, coach Breaux turn. Next
morning he come to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"Good morning you all." They can't
believe!
They say, "Man, what happened?" He say,
"Well, we get ready for bed. I go and tuck Boudreaux into bed and
kiss him good night. He watch me all night long.'
Submitted by Dave, Bolder Co.
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Things you
don't see very often, take 3 ...
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July
19th Humor Page
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