Humor Selections for January 13, 2006


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Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow ...

... and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be North Dakota for you non Scandhoovians out there).

He drives to the Nordakota farm and looks over the cow. Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls.. the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take her home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat and the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?" Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah dats right. but, how did you know?

Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" ...

... by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

  • Titanic: $29.99
  • Clinton: $29.99
     
  • Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
  • Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
     
  • Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
  • Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
     
  • Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
  • Clinton: Bill is a bulls**t artist.
     
  • Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
  • Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
     
  • Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
  • Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
     
  • Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
  • Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
     
  • Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
  • Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
     
  • Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
  • Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there...
     
  • Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
  • Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
 

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Year 1981
  • Prince Charles got married.
  • Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
  • Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
  • Pope shot.

Year: 2005

  • 1. Prince Charles got married.
  • 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
  • 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
  • 4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, somebody please warn the Pope!

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
 

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Men and their schemes  ...  Watch and weep!  Some guy's just have all the luck!

Download Vedeo

Submitted by Al, Seattle, Wa.
 

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Answers on a blond's Geometry test 

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Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
 

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