Humor Selections for June 21st, 2006


     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


 
Interpreting Job Performance Evaluations Terms
  • Good communication skills = spends a lot of time on the phone
  • Average employee = not too bright
  • Exceptionally well qualified = made no major blunders yet
  • Work is first priority = too ugly to get a date
  • Active socially = drinks a lot
  • Family is active socially = spouse drinks, too
  • Independent worker = nobody knows what he/she does
  • Quick thinking = offers plausible excuses
  • Careful thinker = wont make a decision
  • Aggressive = obnoxious
  • Uses logic on difficult jobs = gets someone else to do it
  • Expresses themselves well = speaks english
  • Meticulous attention to detail = a nit picker
  • Has leadership qualities = is tall or has a loud voice
  • Exceptionally good judgement = lucky
  • Keen sense of humour = knows a lot of dirty jokes
  • Career minded = back stabber
  • Loyal = can't get a job anywhere else

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes about Work, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Christian One Liners
  • Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
  • It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  • The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
  • When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
  • People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
  • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
  • Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
  • If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
  • God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
  • Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
  • Peace starts with a smile
  • I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
  • A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
  • We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
  • Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
  • Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
  • Forbidden fruits create many jams.
  • God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
  • God grades on the cross, not the curve.
  • God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
  • God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
  • He who angers you, controls you!
  • If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
  • Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
  • The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
  • The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
  • We don't change the message, the message changes us.
  • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to..........discourage him.
  • The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross 3 nails= 4 given.

Submitted by Jennie, Thurmont, MD
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Religious Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,


Ponderings for Idle Moments
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
  •  If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  • When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
  • Do fish get cramps after eating?

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Humorous Sayings, My Little Sister's Jokes,


And you thought you had a bad neighbor?

[]

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,


June 19th Humor Page